Be Postitive! Be Positive! Be Positive!

(That's what I'm trying to tell myself)

So you know how in my last post I was saying that there are still some days when I struggle with the whole weight gain thing while I'm trying to build muscle???? Well today is one of those friggin days. I’m not hating myself or beating myself up about it, just feeling a bit pissed off about it all since I put on… actually, correct that, should I say TRIED to put on my favourite pair of little denim shorts! They just don’t fit me anymore, my legs feel huge! It’s so depressing!!! Aarggh!

I know that I CAN and I WILL fit back in to them again, but some days it just f***ing sucks! These are the days when these kind of thoughts just don't piss off and leave you alone....

"Why the hell am I bothering, do I really want to compete again?"

"Do I really care if my muscles grow or not, wouldn't I just rather go on a diet again to get back to that lean body I had, ooh, let's say, about 5-6 weeks out from comp?"

"Maybe I should just lose the weight and be lean instead and not bother with all this emotional crap that goes along with trying to gain muscle."

And then I slap myself and have to follow up with thoughts like this...

"Muscle needs food for fuel. Period. You ain't gonna get it if you ain't gonna feed it!"

"I am doing this because I want to do well at competing in bodybuilding. I AM a figure athlete and this is what I need to do. I am not 'bigger' because I can't lose weight or be healthy, yes, I made some bad choices post comp, but so what, I am doing this now because it's part of the process. I am eating good food and training hard and I am doing all this because I want to continually improve on my physique. I want to get up there next time and know that I have improved from the last time, that's the most important thing. I am not up there just to show that I can be lean, what kind of a challenge is that? I am up there to show off my physique and now, right here is when I have time to work on that. Now is the time to prove that I can stick with it, train consistently, eat to fuel my training and work hard to make sure I am damn proud of what I have been working on in the off-season. It is not about 'losing weight' anymore for me, it's about building lean muscle.... because I love muscles... they are damn sexy!"

So anyway, the thoughts go something like that and I know I can make myself feel more positive again, it's all just a mind game I know that. I will feel better later on today, or heck, even after I finish writing this post. The way I feel now is a choice that's for sure. I am 'choosing' to let this get to me, so I know that I can 'choose' to let go of it too, so I know that I will. The mind is one powerful thing and we all have control over our own minds. I just hate days like this though, cause it really takes a lot more effort to be happy and to make that 'choice'... I know that being happy doesn't always come easy and that you need to work at it, so that's what I'm doing. So I best be off to make myself happy then I guess :)

Just goes to show we aren't necasarily fine and rosy all the time, but there's always one person that can do something about it.... YOU (well in this case, ME) hehe

K xoxo

P.S. I'm all good, sometimes a rant can make you feel better... hehehe

In A Good Head Space!

I'm in a really good head space at the moment and I'm pretty happy to be here. It feels like it's been a long time since I've felt this way because post-comp has been pretty tough. I've been through quite a lot of things in my head and I feel that I am really learning how to deal with the negative emotions in a productive way that is helping me feel more positive. NOTE TO SELF: Learning curve in process that will help me become even better at what I do!

If I'm going to be honest here, I hate my stomach and my thighs at the moment, I've put on a bit of weight there (of course, being female it's inevitible)... BUT, because I don't like what I see, I'm not focusing on it. I love the way my back is looking, I really feel like I am making some progress there so if I start to look at my lower body and get upset, I'm turning my attention to the good things that I see. I'm not in the position to be focusing on fat loss right now. After all, it's called 'bodybuilding' right? So how can I build the muscles in my body if I want to starve them and lose weight? I can't. Period. Yes, I probably ate too many fatty foods post comp and had a few too many indulgences... but you know what? It's done. Too bad. So sad. Time for some tough love. I will have to learn how to deal with it better next time around to avoid putting on as much fat in unwanted areas... but right now I am not willing to compromise losing any muscle to please my own 'ego' and get rid of some of the fat.... it's a layer that I am going to learn to live with now while my attention is focused on building some lean mean muscle! I'm really happy that I can say that because I actually believe it. I've been telling myself this most days since post comp and you know what they say? If you tell yourself something enough times, eventually you will believe it and it will come true! The power of the mind is amazing!!!

There are days when it's hard to get in to this head space, but they are becoming few and far between and I'm gradually finding it easier to get rid of those negative thoughts. I need to stop being mean to myself by saying that 'I look gross' or 'I'm fat' because this does nothing to help the process or my headspace and I constantly remind myself of that when I need to. Eric does a good job of telling me to stop being so mean to myself too..... poor Eric, he put up with the cranky moods before and now the sulking moods after comp... he's such a gem!

I've also found that by allowing myself some different foods in my nutrition, like wheat products and red meat in moderation, plus the occasional treat (like a glass of red wine), I am getting more excited and feeling less deprived. I was getting really bored with my food there because as much as I enjoyed the taste and was satisfied after each meal (no cravings with my current meal plan), it was the same thing as I had been having since January this year... very good, awesome fuel, but just the same ol thing! I was bored shitless and very un-excited about each meal, but now I'm having a few different things it has made the world of difference and I am finding that sticking to my ratios of carbs/fat/protein has been much easier. At the moment I am eating to bulk, I know that, but I also need to be careful I don't binge too much because I am already eating over my maintenance level and it needs to be good, nutritious fuel for my muscles or I'm just going to end up fat!!!

The other thing that has been bothering me is my clothes... they are all getting tight on me and it's pretty depressing... SO, my answer to this is to wear my old cothes that DO fit me and that AREN'T tight. Well, derrr! I'm actually pretty excited about this because I have a few items that, when I lost weight, I was quite upset that I couldn't wear anymore due to them being too big for me... you know how you have those favourites? Well now I can enjoy them again, which is nice, not ideal because of what it means, but nice nonetheless :) I've also gone out and bought myself two lovely summer dresses that are flowy (not normally my style at all) but still very flattering - the trick for me is to wear clothes that aren't tight around my legs but are flattering for my upper body because I can still look great, I just don't feel great wearing clothes that are tight on me now. Don't get me wrong, my clothes still fit me, I haven't put on that much weight, but the way they felt a few months ago - loose and hanging off me cause I was comp ready and super lean and how they feel now - snug in all the wrong places - does not help with my positivity :) I know that I have gained some muscle over the past year and so putting a layer of fat back on over the muscle is going to mean that I feel bigger than before.... so that's what I'm reminding myself of too and this all helps :)

I've been going great guns with my training this week, this is what has been done so far and is the plan for the rest of the week:

Monday - Shoulders/Biceps/Abs
Tuesday - Back session 1+ Short Interval Session + bike ride to and from the gym
Wednesday - Cardio only - short high intensity run - almost made myself sick doing this and loved it!
Thursday - Chest/Triceps/Abs + Short Interval Session (I'm talking like 6 minutes of intervals post-workout) + bike ride to and from the gym
Friday - Legs + bike ride to and from the gym
Saturday - Back session 2 + Short Interval Session + bike ride to and from the gym
Sunday - rest day - maybe a power walk or a surf :)

Lovin it! Train hard everyone!

K xoxo

How Will YOU Deal With the Silly Season?

This picture doesn't have much to do with the Silly Season.. AND I don't even like cats, but when I searched for 'silly season' images I thought this was the cutest thing ever!!!

So I know I know, it's been ages again... but since my last post, I have had a VERY hectic few days of work, we are so busy right now it's not funny! It's great though because it means that people are keen to get in to shape FOR Christmas, not let themselves go and do it next year... seriously, why put off until tomorrow something that you can start today? And why let yourself be one of those who stack on the kilos over Christmas and then have even MORE to lose in the New Year???

The festive season can certainly be a pretty worrying time if you are 'on a diet' or 'trying to lose a few pounds' but it doesn't have to be as bad as we all think it is. I actually spoke about this either earlier this year or maybe last Christmas, I'm not sure. But I believe we place too much emphasis on celebrations being around food. I believe we all need to change our perspectives a little bit and try to focus on the OTHER reasons why the holidays are so good... most families are reunited and if that's not possible, for whatever reason, it's just a point in time where we all stop and think about the ones we love... probably something we don't do enough of these days, whether that loved one is with us in person or in spirit. So why not focus on the fact that we have good company, some time off to spend with each other and some time to do things that we don't normally get to do... go on a holiday.... go to the beach or a swimming hole if you don't live near the beach.... get outside and enjoy the beautiful weather.... play games (yes, it is a tradition that my family play boardgames or card games at Christmas time because in Cairns, it is too bloody hot to go outside on Christmas and I look forward to sitting in the air-conditioning acting like big kids with my family).... exchanging gifts or going shopping.... there are plenty of other things that we do during the festive season that we can turn our attention to..... forget the food and drink, you don't have to feel like you are missing out because you are't pigging out or getting drunk like the rest of the population, you can still have good time regardless, I say! You can still enjoy some of the yummy food and drink, just keep your portions normal to what you do every other day..... since when do our bodies say to us, 'well it's Christmas, no problem, I can digest more today'??? They don't, and we all need to keep that in mind (me too, don't worry, I'm preaching to myself here also), so that's what I'm going to try to focus on this season! Here is a picture of Eric and I showing just how silly we can be.... hehehehe.... this still cracks me up... try and guess who we are? Lol! And yes, that's me with a 'mo' and a 'mullet' and YES, that's Eric in a skirt.... he is going to KILL me! I better make sure he doesn't see this post! Lol!

Anyway, this week I am feeling so much more relaxed it's not funny. It's busy again, but I only have one job to worry about and no holiday or other stress added to the mix. I am going to complete my 5 weight training sessions this week if it kills me and I am going to do as much cardio as I can handle with this heat too. I was planning on doing one every day, but I've had a few rough nights of sleep. Not sure what it is, but I think I need to get my magnesium back in to me since I am training heavy and hard again and I also think my body is just catching up on all the rest it has needed over the past stressful few months. So I'm not stressed about sleeping in these past few days clearly I have needed it! By the time I wake up at 9am, it's way too hot to get outside for cardio (which is my cardio of choice) so I'm aiming to go of an evening if I don't wake up early enough. I actually really enjoy getting up at 5 or 6am and doing my morning cardio, so I hope I can get back in to that routine.

Yesterday had a killer shoulders and biceps session (usually my favourite, but I think back is now becoming my favourite as it seems to be the muscle that is showing the most at the moment), which consisted of the following:

Seated Shoulder Press (machine)
DB Single Arm Lateral Raises
BB Clean and Press (man the heart rate pumps with these)
DB Biceps Curl
Ezy bar Preacher Curls supersetted with DB Incline Curls

I used the triple-rest pause techniques, plus partials and straight sets that I was talking about the other day and I'm going to continue using this technique for another 4 weeks yet. I need to stick with it to see if I make any signicant gains or not. If I do feel like I made progress, I will then take a break and try something less intense for a few weeks before going back for some more. It's not the kind of training you can consistently maintain without having a break, so I will need to be smart about it so I don't over do it.

Well, that's it for me, got to get on with some work. Oh, I did order a poster from ANB yesterday... I had been 'umming' and 'aaahhing' over whether or not I was going to buy photos from the professional shots at my ANB comp because while they weren't the best shots, Eric got heaps of me at my 2nd show and I didn't really NEED to get anymore... but I did like a few of the professional ones because they were a bit more focused then what Eric took.... so I decided to go for a 'montage poster' that comprises of 5 shots that I chose... I have no idea what it will look like, all I know is that I got 5 images, it is 16" x 20" and it cost $70. Anybody every bought one of these from ANB??? I'm pretty excited and I can't wait to get it, but it said it will be about 2-3 weeks, so I'll just have to forget about it for the moment... I hope it comes before I move in 3 weeks time!!

Have a wonderful day everyone! Bye!

hehe... just for fun! I love finding old pictures you forgot you even had!

K xoxo

M.I.A. - Back from the Heat!

My poor blog has been so neglected lately! I'm doing everything I can to try to rectify it and as much as I wanted to blog and planned to blog while I was away, it just didn't happen... however, something else exciting DID get done while I was unable to access the internet...... I started writing my book! Yippee! I finally started writing properly about my journey. For those of you who don't know, when I began my journey to the stage I expressed that I wanted to write and I was also encouraged by a few people too, so I plan on putting something together, whether it's an e-book or whether it's something I actually publish, I don't know. But either way, I'm excited that I have made a start! I love writing, always have and I guess I get it from my Mum, she's a creative writer and always has been. She does workshops and writes short stories and is currently working on a big piece that I know is going to be amazing!

So I'm back from my holiday and it was awesome to catch up with my best friend Nikki. She is just an amazing soul and I know we will always be mates forever, no matter how far away we are from each other. She is an amazing photographer too and I can't wait to have her at my next comp. Anyone who lives in Melbourne who needs photos for anything, get in contact with her, she's awesome and doesn't charge a fortune either! We celebrated her birthday in true 'girls night out' form on the Saturday night and I tell you what, I have not seen the sun come up in a long time and it was pretty darn painful to say the least.... but fun nevertheless!!! Nikki is a DJ too, so she had to play in a pretty awful state the night after at this very eccentric outdoor dance party we went to! An experience I must say!

Anyway, back to my routine now, which I have to say, I did miss very much (being the control freak that I am) and I am keen to have another great week of training. The only exercise I managed to do while away was one jog... the heat was absolutely atrocious! It would have been nice to say my holiday went something like this....

But unforunately it was a bit more like this....

I was so hot and tired the whole trip, it was not funny. Not great for relaxing, so we escaped to the air-conditioning in the shopping centres a few times for coffee and a browse (didn't buy anything), so that was nice. I was planning on doing some weight training while there, but found it difficult to get motivated and I was happy knowing that I could still do 4 days this week when I returned, today, Friday, Saturday and Sunday will be my weight training days, so I'm not worried at all. I wasn't perfect with my nutrition and fluid either (as you can probably guess), but it's always a challenge being away and with the addition of the heat, I was happy to just go with the flow for a few days, which I kind of needed anyway.

Back in to things today and am feeling good cause I did get to catch up on quite a lot of sleep while I was away (apart from the birthday night... hehe), so am ready to hit the gym and punish the 'ol' bod... in a good way of course! Am torn between doing shoulders and biceps today or back and rear delts. I think I want to do shoulders and biceps, but it's actually back's turn, but it's not going to make that much difference, so think I'll listen to how I feel today :)

Ciao for now! Hope all is well out there in blogland, have been able to catch up with a few of you, but have a massive few days of work so may be a few days before I catch up on all! Good luck to those competing, I know there are a few happening over in the states and it's all very exciting to hear about!

K xoxo